The snow begins to fall, trees and houses get decorated in colorful lights, laughter fills the air as students around you begin to discuss their plans for winter break, and there is a crushing weight on your chest that consumes you. While everyone is getting excited for the holiday, your head races with thoughts about how you’ll be spending the holiday alone in a house full of pain and heartache.
While the holidays can be a fun time for most everyone, there are a few who just can’t understand what the hype is about. The holidays can be lonely, especially when your home starts being a house because the love just isn’t there. It can take away the joy from holidays, and they’re no longer cheerful and an awaited time of year. It’s dreaded, and painful, and we feel alienated in a world so excited for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I wish this could be a “How to get over the Holiday Blues” type of article, and I am going to give you a list of ways and tips that might make it a little more bearable, but can I be honest? If there was just some easy fix to take away all the pain and loneliness that solved all our problems, someone somewhere would have put it on a brochure and sent us on our way. So, when I give you this list of suggestions, I do so in hope that this is the advice that fixes everything.
So, inspired from Oprah’s website article “10 Ways to Beat the Holiday Blues,” I have a possible solution because who doesn’t trust Oprah and because I’m still struggling with getting through the holidays myself. So, here is my top five from the article and I hope it helps:
- Be realistic.
Fighting against the reality of your life at this moment will only make you bluer. Instead, be kind to yourself, laugh at yourself every now and then, seek support and vow to make some changes during a less stressful time of year.
In all honestly? This couldn’t be more true. Sometimes, when life is hard, we have a tendency to want to change the things we can’t. It’s a natural yearning to want to change the things that are hurting us. But fighting to change something you can’t will just tear you down more and wear you out; in the end, it’ll just hurt you more than what was causing all the distress. Instead -- change your attitude. In times of strife, it's the only thing that you can control.
2. Work with what you have.
As families change and grow, traditions will change as well. For example, instead of trying to reproduce the exact old-fashioned holiday of your childhood, infuse what you can do with meaning, beauty and love. If you are far away from your family, invite others into your home and give the words "extended family" new meaning.
Life doesn’t stay the same forever and when it changes, we tend to fight it. We take old things and try and make them new again because change is scary and we want to avoid it for long as we possibly can. The problem with that is, reality can hurt so much more when we get tired of fighting. So instead of trying to bring the past to the present, find light in where you’re at now. For example, if a loved one isn’t around this Thanksgiving or Christmas, take a look around and ask yourself, “Who is?” Enjoy the ones who are there,
3. Take Care of Your Own Temple—Your Body
Eat well, drink a lot of water, exercise, and then be merry. You will be amazed at how just the littlest bit of movement will lift your spirits. And sleep—for goodness' sake, do whatever it takes to get enough of it. Sleep deprivation is at the root of many people's depression.
When you’re not getting enough sleep or nutrients, life will seem like it’s kicking your butt. I feel so much worse when I’m sleep deprived and low on blood sugar, than in comparison when I am body is actually taking care of my body. I know it can be hard when the depression is getting the best of you, but you have to take care of yourself or else you’re just going to feel worse.
4. Grieve
If a friend or family member has recently died or if you're far away from home, practice the lost art of grieving. Create an altar with pictures of those you love; light candles every night for someone you have lost; play sacred music and allow yourself to cry, remember, heal.
Losing a friend or family member can be one of the hardest things to go through, especially around the holidays. What doesn’t help is not allowing yourself time to grieve and work through your emotions. You can’t just bottle up your feelings and move on like nothing ever happened. What you feel is real and it matters, and bottling up your emotions without giving yourself time to mourn, only hurts more in the end. Eventually all those emotions you ignored are going to come crashing to the surface and it won’t be pretty. Just allow yourself time to feel your emotions as they come.
5. Love
Everything. Love it all. Even the hard times; even the cranky and crooked people of the world; even yourself, with all of your appalling shortcomings.
Martin Luther King once said, “I have decided to stick with love; hate is too great a burden to bear.” Hate is just an emotion that creates more hurt for the feeler of the emotion than it does on the one being hated. It takes so much energy to hold on to the anger and hurt than to just let it go. I guess it goes back to the grieving -- you can't really let go of emotions until you experience them for what they are and most of the time when you hate someone it's because they've wronged you in some way. So love -- life is a lot easier when you love instead of hate.
While these are great ideas, realistically, it’s not as simple as it seems, and it may not work the first or even the second time. However, hopefully the message of this article reminds you that you’re not alone. There are others like you; and it’s okay to get the holiday blues.
